00:03 You’re listening to Parenting in the First Three Years, the place where we explore the strategies and soul of parenting from pregnancy through the first three years of life. I’m your host, Ann McKitrick. Thank you so much for joining me. 

00:19 Hello and welcome to the podcast. I am so excited today to bring this topic. We’re going to talk about healthy mindsets for moms, all parents, but particularly moms who are listening. I’m delighted to have Brianna Wilkerson with me. She is a Holistic Health and Life Coach, and she’s the host of Tea Time with Bree podcast. And she is the mom of two little bitty kiddos. And so I’m so happy to have you here and talk about this topic with you. 

00:49 Yeah, thank you so much for having me. You’re welcome. So why don’t you tell us a little bit about you and your family and the things that you do. So, I’m originally from the Caribbean. I live in the States right now, Florida. And me and my husband were married. We got married at college, and we were married about six or seven years before we had kids. And then we had our first child during the pandemic, our daughter, and then we had our son two years after, almost exactly two years after.

01:19 yeah, our life is really full right now with them, a three and a one-year-old just, I mean, everyone that I talk to, all the moms I talk to, they’re just like, you’re in the thick of it, like you can get through it. And I’m like, wow, we really, it does really feel like we’re in the thick of it, you know? And we tried moving our kids into the same room, it didn’t work, and we’re trying to check up, sleep all over again. So they take a lot of our time, but they’re gifts. At the same time, they are, I mean, I wouldn’t want any other kids. Like, I just love them. So, yeah.

And I’ve been in business probably about seven years, seven nearly eight years coaching and doing a couple of different things. And I knew that when I had kids, I would want to continue to do that. So that was very much like, I know some people say you wait, and you have kids and you decide. I’m like, I just knew I love work. I love what I do, but it has been a challenge, like figuring out rhythms with that, right? My kids are my full-time job, they’re home with me, but I do have childcare here and there, but like my mind is always thinking about work. 

02:14 So, I know. Yeah. So it’s hard in this season, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So. Right. Yeah. So they are at home with you while you’re doing your work each day. Yeah. If I’m not distracted. There’s a couple of days a week that I do have, like a nanny come in, our babysitter come in for times like this that I want to record, and I can’t have people all around, kids all around me. And then, the other days, I try to work before they get up or during their naps or when they go to bed, which again  they’re so young that sometimes their schedule’s like, yes, we’re gonna do this mom at 1 p.m.

We’re gonna take a nap. Sometimes it’s like, oh, it’s optional today, mom. I’m like, okay. I’m really not gonna sleep today. Exactly, so, which was yesterday. So it is challenging, but I just try to tell myself, like, even if I take small steps, I’m moving more towards that goal. And that’s hard for me, as someone who is an achiever on the Enneagram, who is very ambitious, that I don’t have to stop the things I’m passionate about. I just might be at a different pace 03:10 then it would either be a wise beat. Yeah, that’s such a great way to look at it.

You know, the other day I was interviewing somebody on the podcast and she told me when we were done that her little boy was just on the other side of her computer staring at her the whole time, waiting for her to put him in bed. Oh, well, at least he was just staring at her. My kids would just jump in the video, start singing or. So let’s talk about this mindset thing. How do you keep a positive mindset even I mean, I think you probably must be pretty exhausted. Most days. Yeah, I love it. You know, I think it’s, this is always something that I feel like mindset is, as you as you know, it’s like the key, it’s the key to like, seeing life differently, actually enjoying your life no matter what season you’re in, and actually moving towards whatever level of success or goal in any area of your life. And it’s always the area that I know I need to pay attention to more. But it’s the area that’s easiest to go. 

04:10 It’s easiest to be like, I don’t need to read this book or prayer journal or whatever, or talk to a friend about what I’m feeling. I just got to get my stuff done. And what I found is I’m not someone that says I’m overwhelmed. Often, I’m not someone that’s just like my emotions just like paralyze me. I kind of like work through them. But with kids, just with the level they’re at, like they’re just like their constant need for things. And, you know you thought you had time, but you didn’t. I realize I’m feeling a lot more of those emotions and my mindset is not as positive or is not as like focused as it once was. And I realize it’s because I need more mindset time. I need more time to like process my thoughts, process my feelings, but I’m not giving myself that because I just think let’s just get stuff done.

And so for me, what helps me is really, you know, I was talking with some of the other day is like creating non-negotiables around what are the things that make me take care of myself and make them as simple as possible as a mom. I did a live about this yesterday because it’s very easy to be like, oh yeah, working out just helps me clear my mind. And I used to do now, or two hours in the gym. Now I’m like 10 minutes is good. You know, like, so it’s really recognizing that like, I still need to do these things that care for myself holistically, particularly in my mind, but it might look different. And I have to be okay with that because it’s really easy to do all or nothing, right? It’s really easy to be like, if I don’t have time to journal for 30 minutes, I’m not gonna journal. Versus like five or 10 minutes still make a difference. And so, yeah, I created these five non-negotiables for me that helped me, like holistically, just feel well, ready for the day, better mindset. And I try to fit them in early on in the morning if I can. If not, I just like stagger them throughout my day. Like my kids are like content watching a show, read or you know what I mean? So. It’s really funny how easy it is to not do the things that you know are good for you. Isn’t it? Yes  it’s a really strange thing.

Yeah. You know, one of the things that we used to do when, when our kids were, where your kids are, we had three under four, three and four years. And so there’s a lot, there were a lot of years of just really thick parenting. And, you know, there’s a lot of times when everyone’s just crying or making a lot of noise all at the same time, usually in the car. And so I just tried to make myself laugh at it instead of get mad at it. And that did help you know, even though it was a fake laugh for a while, it would usually become a real laugh because then you kind of realize just kind of the unimportance of all of this screaming in the backseat. You know, it really isn’t the end of the world. It’s just some screaming. Right. They feel like it’s the end of the world, but you need to reset. It does feel like it. They’re feeling themselves, it’s not the end of the world. Right. And rolling down the windows helps a lot too. Right. 

Let’s dig down a little bit deeper on that. What does that look like for you, self-care? You know, I think self-care in this season, I think it does, for people, it might be different areas of your life, but for me to be solid, like these ones that like I need to do daily are journaling or prayer, kind of, I do prayer through journaling, just to allow myself to get my thoughts out and get clear of what actually I’m feeling, what actually is going on. Reading, reading, I love personal development, as you know, we love that genre, and I just think it’s a gift. And so reading, even if it’s like seven, 10 pages or 10 minutes a day, a scripture for me, it’s another way to reset my mind, working out, exercise. And some days, again, it’s only like short to the point, 10 minutes. Some days it’s an hour, some days it’s longer, but at least I’m trying to move intentionally in some way, whether it’s a walk or something like that. And then cleaning.

So I’m a mom of three and a one year old. So my house is wild. Like we don’t have a special playroom. It’s just like everywhere. And so for me, it often feels like my life is just not my own. Like it’s out of control and my house feels that way. But when I can just spend like five, 10 minutes a day, just straightening up something, washing the dishes here and there, it just feels like, okay, I have a handle on it. So that, in the past, I wouldn’t say that that’s self-care, but it’s definitely self-care now. So those are like my five, but then also doing some sort of work or something where I’m creating something, right?

So if it’s like a podcast or if it’s like talking a new conversation with a potential client doing something like that that’s moving for that bigger dream each day, and then spending time with like my loved ones, particularly my husband, because we have a three year old, one year old. So that’s very far in between. So even if it’s just like, how was your day? And so when I do those sorts of things, I just feel like, okay, great. I feel grounded. I feel like self care. And then of course there’s other things that I do once a week or once a month, but doing those daily, even if it’s like five, 10 minutes, really helps me feel grounded.  

08:55 Yeah, you know, I think that maybe you and I are cut out of the same fabric because those are exactly the same things that fill me and make me feel better in a day. There was a period of time where I was like in a business learning group for a 12-month period and then followed by a six-month one. And so I had 18 months of pretty committed time to learning. And both of those groups had a required book per month 09:25 and so in this period of time, I had 18 books that I was trying to get through. I didn’t get through all of them, but I got through a lot of them, you know? And it was such a delightful time for me to now looking back at it, thinking, man, I got to get back into that reading because without somebody telling me to do it, I’m not as apt to stay on target with it, you know? Right. Same. You know, it’s interesting. I was talking to a mentor this weekend.

09:53 I was talking about how my mindset in a particular area of one of the businesses I run was just like, it wasn’t grounded. I was just like insecure here or whatever. And I’m like, I’m normally not like this. She’s like, she immediately, she’s like, what are you reading? And I said, Oh, I love reading. I have so many of these books, but I just like always don’t make time for it. And she immediately was like, listen, you need to get something. And she’s a different, it’s not like you can listen to a podcast great, but there’s something about opening a book, and that’s like your soul focus. 

10:21 And she’s like, because if you keep thinking all these thoughts, it’s just going to recreate thoughts like that. And you’re going to start seeing those things versus like reading something like shifts your mindset a bit. So then you start thinking and seeing differently. And since then, that was like three days ago, I’m like, I’ve been reading like 10 minutes a day and it has made a difference. Right. And so for me, it’s like, I love watching a particular show. I won’t go into it, but at the end of the day, kids or whatever, and I’m like, no, make sure you get your reading done first. Yeah. And then watch your show. Right. 

10:51 Yeah. I think reading is very motivating. You know, like the business books, of course, are very motivating because I wasn’t a business major. I never took one business course in my whole life. And so I’m really doing a whole lot of learning at this point in my life. But I also, I love to pull out my child development books and just read those old textbooks I used to teach from and remind myself of all of these fascinating and wonderful things about the children that that I talk about every day in my work. 

11:20 So that’s what I really love to read too. Yeah. So I know you work with a lot of moms and helping them with their mindsets. What are some kind of interesting other requirements that people have for themselves? Have you ever heard of anything that’s kind of- Yeah, I mean, I do think it’s interesting because primarily a lot of my work has been around women and helping them with their health, particularly nutrition, exercise, stress, and sleep. And it’s interesting how they define self-care. They would define those same things like taking time to drink my water each week or each day, taking time to sit outside when I get home for 10 minutes before I get to my household duties after work. So it’s really like these simple things that we know are good for us, what you’re saying, and don’t seem huge and impactful, like going for a run or whatever, which is still great, but I think sometimes it’s those simple things that we tell ourselves we don’t have time for that really can like fuel us.

Some people have said, even just a coaching session, like this is my time, like great, like I’m gonna show up. And how the time I’m like, yeah, that’s what you need to show up for because you get to like dive deeper or whatever, or listening to a book or reading during their lunch break. So I think it’s like almost like to summarize it, I think it’s like seeing little moments and snagging little moments to do those things that fuel them like call a friend during their lunch hour or when their kids are sleeping. Because I just think sometimes as moms we see free, especially in this season where it feels like time is so scarce, I see every free moment to get something done. Which is fine, like I still got to do those things, but what if I chose at this moment is when I just sit outside with a cup of coffee and just rock on my front porch, you know? And so honestly, I think it’s a lot of the things that are just slower, not as productive or that you could check things off that really fuel them and fuel us. Yeah, I agree. And it’s not just busy, busy moms too. I mean, it’s all people, here I am.

I don’t have any children in the house, but all of those things are extremely important to me, you know, as a person. And yeah, I think those are really great. So for people who are listening, who are in the thick of us and they’re thinking, I just, I don’t know how to do that. What would be some tips that you could, you know, kind of some action points to actually into practice what you’re talking about. Right. I think identify one to three areas of your life that you just want more fulfillment in, want more satisfaction, I even say more nourishment. Like if we look at like, you know, maybe you’re still you’ve been so busy that you have friends that you’ve been meeting a call or hang out with.

By the way, if you can always hang out with someone in person, do it. There’s something about being with someone in person that you can’t get virtually or on the phone and or through a text. And so if you could do that, great. And you know, so if you’re not feeling as nursed in there, like, I just say dream big, don’t like negate it before you even like say what you want. Just like, what would be your ideal for self care in those areas? So if it’s relationships, like I wanna hang out with a girlfriend like once a week. Like that would really fill me up. Right. Okay, identify that. Okay, I would really love to go for a walk every day or I would really love to just sit outside on my porch every day. And then just like say it, dream big here. 

14:38 And then ask yourself like, okay, well now looking at your schedule, your life, where does that fit in? But also don’t, there might be something, I think what we feel there might be something that has to go for you to put that in there. I think sometimes we’re trying to fit in our self care into our lives when in reality we need to put our self care first, like put it on your calendar. My ultimate tip is put it on your calendar as if it’s a meeting. Like if I need to like put on my calendar to go sit outside if it’s a meeting with Anne. I’m gonna be, my teeth are gonna be brushed, my hair is gonna be done before I jump on this, I’m gonna be ready, you know?

And so how can I prepare my life so that when my husband comes home, I’m like, all right, your turn, and I’m gonna go sit on the porch or whatever, right? And so I think making it a priority by putting it in first, I think will help with that. Right. What I have found luck with with my friends, a girlfriend, is to say we’re going to have lunch on the first Monday of every month or something like that, so that we go ahead and put it on our calendars and make arrangements for that to happen. Of course, it sometimes doesn’t, but you just reschedule. But anyways, just having it there. And another thing I do often is I’ll put on my to-do list, read 20 minutes in the middle of the afternoon because I like to spend my morning quiet reading other kinds of things, but I do like to spend the afternoon reading time for more business related stuff. Right. Yeah, those are really good tips.

And I think that, you know, when you say, I’m going to do this, and you make this determination for yourself, then talking to the people that you live with and saying, this is what I would like to do, how can I make this happen? And what can I do for you to give you the same space to do the same things, you know? Yeah, yeah. It’s realizing that like after you’ve identified that, what support do you need and you know, by voicing for it, asking for it, not just expecting it. Because I think sometimes as moms, you know, naturally we’re just gonna do a lot with the kids. That’s just kind of who we are. But we expect our husband or people to look at what we’re doing and say, oh honey, just have some time for yourself. You must need a break. Yeah, which honestly, it’s not that they’re not thinking about it, they just don’t know you might want it. So versus like, hey, I need a break, can I do, like not can I, well you can, like I would like to do this here. Does it work? Like, you know, you’re saying, and so I had someone I was talking to you about who does a lot of negotiation and she, you know, helps moms or helps women negotiate their things and she was similar. She went to, you know, realize that the husband was always, you know, going out, hanging out with the guys. And the mom had to, the wife had to be like, okay, well, if you get to do that, I get to do that too. And then she did it, you know, versus he just didn’t know. And so I think that’s part of it.

 17:31 Yeah, like just voicing it and asking, you know, and I think that often, and that’s why we don’t have what we want. Right, exactly. Because we’re not asking for it. So kids will tell you what they want over and over and over until sometimes you get to know it. I know. We’re born into this world with a very clear idea of what it is that we want. Right. And I think it’s really important for us to honor that in our children, you know, and give them what they want as much as possible. 

18:01 You know, I’ve always said, save your nos for the very important things. Always say yes, if you can. Does it really matter if they have that shirt or this shirt or, you know, this cereal or whatever. But somehow we get this message drilled into our little brains early on, you know, oftentimes by elementary school that our needs and wants shouldn’t be voiced. And then when we get to be grown up people, we have to go find that again. And so my encouragement to every parent is to not squash it so that it doesn’t have to be dealt with later on, you know? Right, right. Yeah. Those are some really great tips. I love those. So as we wrap up this conversation around, you know, things that you can do to stay positive and healthy in your thinking and your actions, and do you have any last words of encouragement for anyone who’s listening? 

18:57 Yeah, I just think, you know, if it’s overwhelming, or if you’re like, I don’t know where to start, just pick one thing that, and often I think we know if we just sit for a moment, like, what’s one thing that’s really gonna nourish my mind, my soul, my emotions, and do that. And just try to do that as often as you can. And then when you feel like, okay, great, I want a little bit more, then add something to it. Because I think this is just same thing with exercise. A lot of people are like, okay, I wanna run at 5K, so I’m gonna do this type of workout, this type of workout. It’s like, that’s overwhelming. Just start with walking and then do that consistently, then add jogging or add intervals. You know what I mean? So similar with this, just pick one thing and try to do that as often as you can. Yeah, that’s great. Thank you so much. This is really insightful. I know it’s gonna encourage parents and anyone listening to really consider how they’re spending their time inside their head. It’s really an important thing. Thank you, Brianna. Brian. Thank you so much. If you love today’s episode, take a minute and subscribe to our podcast. 

19:54 And one last thing, I’d love to pray for you and your baby if you’d like for me to. You can email me at ask at nurturednoggins.com. Your request can be as simple as just one word or it can include an explanation. Either way, you can trust that I will pray for you. It’s a quiet, simple way that I can connect with you and your family and support you in your parenting journey.